Anna Beddoes to Davies Giddy, 23 February 1808
Tuesday Evening. Feby the 23d – 1808 [1]
Two years since I felt myself treated with unkindness and injustice by the very friend who now overwhelms me with his generous goodness — Two years ago I could with difficulty rein in my feelings, yet I was upbraided at that very moment for having none — now that I am conscious of having expressed myself harshly, of seeing every thing in your manner & habits in its most unfavourable light, — you thank me, you treat me with unusual gentleness — How strange is human nature! how can I possibly account for all that I have suffered for all that I have made you feel
In a few short days I shall be told strange things – but they must be, and that you tell them me convinces me so truly of your affection & good opinion, that I do not repine — Long since have I heard & felt, all that could be most painful to me, my heart suffered too severely to be able to sustain more, and after some things had escaped you, more could not be inflicted — I must stop, for unintentionally I am reproofing you, and this is very far from my first and now almost habitual manner of thinking or speaking to you — How can I have the heart to hurt you, when you are so delicately attentive to me ! — All that is now passing will endear me to Mary [2] to me more than ever — We shall have a subject upon which our mutual interest is great, & we can speak freely – so perhaps we may be permitted to do x How some things have escaped her penetration, & the watchful eyes of an affectionate sister is more than I can account for —
I write at present from the fullness of my heart, so you in the goodness of yours will forgive all that requires your indulgence which is expecting more than any body but you would grant
adieu my dearest Friend
truly & affectionately yours
AMB
Endorsement: Feby the 23d / 1808
Notes
[1] Tuesday evening is in Anna’s hand. The date is in Giddy’s hand.
[2] Mary Gilbert, Giddy’s fiancée.