Anna Beddoes to Davies Giddy, 19 April 1801
Sunday 19th [1]
‘What a coward! though I voluntarily solicited what you have so kindly granted, your opinion upon a certain nice point, yet I know not how to begin, for you will think very ill of me – certain however that my dear brother will not betray me to any one and will destroy this as soon as read, I will tell him every thing, hardly knowing whether in that I am not doing wrong – When you were here last summer, you saw for a few moments only I believe, a man whom you pronounced, a very silly fellow, this appearance is strongly marked in his countenance and manner, yet though totally uncultivated & devoid of all taste for literature, he has the sense to admire talents which he does not possess; early in life he married a woman of superior abilities and his friends, who are not few, are generally men of more than common understanding – he has lived much in the world where he has made himself very popular as one of the most good-natured men in it – this he truly is, and has likewise great generosity of character and much sensibility, [2] – all that can be said more in his favour is that what might have been a superior character is now a weak one – this is an Irish blunder, [3] but I daresay you understand what I would be at –
His wife [4] – (remember you burn the letter,) has as bad a heart, as his is good, she can act what part she pleases to admiration, & though she torments this poor man in the most extraordinary manner she is so fond of him that she has hitherto contrived to prevent what his friends often advised, a separation – To escape perpetual quarrels at home he took shelter in our society – we became so intimate, that not a day passed without in which more than half our time was not spent in sauntering somehow or somewhere with him – – I would not tell the rest if I could help it, but this I cannot what is more, it is your opinion alone which I dread, for I do not myself think I have done wrong – My company at length seemed to become necessary to his happiness; this he assured me with such strong expressions of affection, that I could not mistake his meaning – My surprise was not great, nor did I express any of that resentment, which I have been taught a virtuous woman ought to feel upon such an occasion – in a little time I acquainted the Dr [5] with what he told me he had long since observed – till then I had nothing to acknowledge, but as soon as I perceived partiality growing on my side it would have been highly treacherous to have kept it secret – To deceive so very excellent a creature must require a different heart from what I believe mine is – I know not whether you are aware of it, but the Dr has some singular peculiarities in constitution & character (I feel as if I were writing to a brother & The will not think unkindly of me for this I hope) he praised me for what he called my sincerity & seemed to become fonder of me, tho’ he said he could not exactly tell why – I told my friend what had passed, which he was glad of – he continued his visits, indeed almost the whole day was now passed in his company – his wife I must tell you he had carried back to town where she wished him to leave her – on his return to this place, the [ Dr ] [6] having proposed that I should ask him to stay with u[s] [7] and he remained our guest for some time – at leng[th][8] business called him to Town, where he now is, & h[as] [9] been for these two or three months – we corre[spond] [10] and I want now to know whether you would advise me not to see him again, which I might easily prevent if I chose – If you think I ought tell me your reasons, and if they convince me I will follow your advice – I do not like the Dr one bit the less – nor have I in any respect deceived him – I would have consulted your good sister whom I always used to love to have with me to prevent me from doing anything imprudent – had I not told her of a piece of indiscretion for which she very kindly forgave me, but said she should not know what to think if any thing of the like nature should be repeated [11] – And now I shall dread to open your next letter – but at the same time whatever it may contain, I think it will not be lost upon me. My heart quite sinks when I imagine what you will think of me – but remember – there is more joy over one sinner that repenteth, than over ninety & nine just persons, though I hope I have done nothing that even you would call really wrong – I want the opinion of some impartial friend on whose judgement I might dare to rely and though I tremble to think how low I may sink in your esteem, yet perhaps I may even regain that – Will you be so kind as to write soon, and do not pray do not withdraw your brotherly affection from your too imperfect sister –
Address: Davies Giddy Esq — / Tredrea / Marazion / Cornwall
Postmark: BRISTOL / APR19
Endorsement: 1801 / April the 19th // April 19th
Notes
[1] 19 April was a Sunday in 1801.
[2] It is likely that this man was William Wynch (1750–1819), the wealthy son of Alexander Wynch, Governor of Madras, 1773/5 (1721–1776) and Sophia Croke (c.1729-1754). Wynch, who had a residence in the fashionable Grosvenor Square, London, was in Clifton for his health in 1800. Beddoes treated him and appointed him to the organising committee of his scheme to manufacture and sell ‘rational toys’ (3D models of geometrical shapes). For this attribution, see Rachel Hewitt, A Revolution of Feeling: The Decade that Forged the Modern Mind (London, 2017), p. 379.
[3] That is, a logically nonsensical statement that yet, in context, conveys a meaning. Such statements were known as ‘bulls’. Anna’s sister Maria Edgeworth (1767–1849) wrote An Essay on Irish Bulls (1803).
[4] Rhoda Wynch.
[5] That is, her husband Thomas Beddoes.
[6] Conjectural reading, the paper being torn away here.
[7] Conjectural reading, the paper being torn away here.
[8] Conjectural reading, the paper being torn away here.
[9] Conjectural reading, the paper being torn away here.
[10] Conjectural reading, the paper being torn away here.
[11] Since the romance with Wynch was likely to seem a repetition of a previous indiscretion, it can be inferred that Anna had confessed a love affair to Giddy’s sister Mary Philippa. She had conducted a romance with Davy in 1799 and 1800 and this continued sporadically after Davy left Bristol in March 1801 to take up a new appointment at the Royal Institution in London. Each wrote verse for the other: among Davy’s lines were these: ‘Anna thou art lovely ever / lovely in tears / in tears of sorrow bright / Brighter in joy’ (Royal Institution MS HD/13/C, p. 111).