Anna Beddoes to Davies Giddy, 27 October 1803
‘Part of a letter that I burned’ now I am angry with you; why did you do this – surely you need not consider so very mathematically, problematically, and any other attically you can muster, what you say to me. If you had done so when I was riding with you at Tredrea what a stupid companion you would have been – write whatever you think, and I never mind volumes – If I could convince or persuade Maria Thompson that she has acted wrong, and unkindly towards her parents, and that some time hence she may feel remorse for her conduct, I would set about my task with no small satisfaction – but I fear in her present mind it would be in vain – however I will try and you shall know the event – but Maria has so much decision and firmness of character that it requires more eloquence than I am mistress of, interdicted in the manner I am and unless you withdraw this part of the commission how can you expect me to be successful in the rest –
You see, I write whatever comes uppermost, and yet you have cured me a little of this too, for I have a long page written that I will not send you, no not even a scrap – are not you and your sister the best friends I have! is not she the most partial creature in the world when she (very imprudently) told me that even if I did her so wrong she should still love me – and you, who have watched over me and guarded me, and you know what a weak creature you had under your protection – well I say after all this, will you withhold your confidence from her – no surely – cautious as you are, no possible harm would be the result – I suppose you think I should go and trumpet forth such and such opinions as Mr Giddy’s merely from the vanity of being allowed to know what Mr Giddy’s opinions are – now though vanity is certainly a powerful, yet I hope it is not the most predominant feeling of my mind
What a strange mind I have – there are some things that others think wrong that never appeared so to me, and yet I could not help feeling miserable if others thought me to blame. – What a bother we make about the little wretched space of time we are allotted! You were in a very melancholy mood when you wrote about Miss Thompson, if Miss T was to see it, and for a moment feel as I do, she would not long remain unreconciled – but with as much softness of heart she has more strength of mind than I have – therefore she will act with more consistence and have what you call more character – And now Mr ill-natured please to tell me whether you often ride out, – or whether you sit pondering with your long (sacred) hair <hanging about your pale face> in your own room, whether you often open your beaureau, look at your bees, and talk to Tom – answer these, and a thousand more equally impertinent questions – and yet then, I will not forgive you for burning the letter – but I shall punish you rarely for this – you could not imagine, fine as your imagination is, what a sheet of wonders I was going to have sent you – but now I never shall. – And so you can’t contrive to fill half a sheet of paper to me! Very well Sir, now I’m sure your father could and so I will write to him, and not to such a dolt as you, – Oh I wish I had you here, I would cut a long sheaf of your hair off, and crop the stubble on your hands quite close – and then see if I could not sense you from your provoking apathy – I shall have a letter from Mary soon so I don’t care you may be as stupid as you please – But observe that whenever the sulky cloud passes, and you choose to be as bright as yourself or the Cornish men, take a large sheet of paper, imagine yourself mounted on the white mare and begin talking to me on the paper as if I were behind you, consider it is exactly the same thing, you will meet with no interruption, in contradiction for I seldom disturbed you with even a yes or a no. Our conversations were as good as Harris’s Dialogues [1] – though I liked them better in as much as I like prefer the company of the living to the dead – Now it is my turn, I can write you down with nonsense, while I was silently hunting sense all the time I was with you – I am very impatient to get Rasselas, [2] have tried at two places, but not to be had, this morning I hope to be more successful – I have a great deal more to say to you but I shall keep it to myself till I know what manner of man you are – and so giving my love where you think it will be relished I remain
your most angry
Anna
Little Anna has snatched my letter and almost demolished it adieu adieu
Octr the 27th
1803 DG. [3]
Address: Davies Giddy Esq / Tredrea / Marazion / Cornwall
Postmark [partial]: BRISTOL / OCT 6 803
Endorsement: 1803 / Octr the 27th
Notes
[1] John Harris’s (c.1666–1719), Astronomical Dialogues between a Gentleman and a Lady wherein the doctrine of the sphere, uses of globes and the elements of astronomy and geography are explain’d (1719) was written to encourage ‘persons of birth and fortune’ to spend time on the ‘improvement of their minds.’ The book only went into two editions, the last being in 1725, so it would not have been well known in 1803. It is not listed in the sale catalogue of Beddoes’s library; possibly it belonged to Anna personally, but it seems more likely that Giddy had introduced her to it as the basis of improving conversation between them.
[2] Samuel Johnson, The History of Rasselas, Prince of Abyssinia: A Tale. See 1 July 1800, note 6 for Anna’s quotation from it. Giddy’s recommendation of this moral tale about the search for happiness is consistent with his attempts to guide Anna to improving literature.
[3] This dating note has been added by Giddy.