Anna Beddoes to Davies Giddy, 21-22 January 1808
You asked me two or three times to forgive you when we met last – yet what could I possibly have to forgive! your kindness to me struck me as very remarkable and my heart is not so insensible as my manner has led you to suppose – had I asked you to forgive me for the petulance & indeed aversion which I sometimes betrayed to you, it would have been a much more reasonable demand, but your goodness made every allowance for my weakness & caprice — I hardly deserve this yet my dearest Brother your gentleness has so endeared you to me, that I hope I shall never have occasion to solicit your indulgence again – you will not feel hurt dear friend I know you will not, by the manner in which I now write to you — So far was written yesterday – Miss Brooke, Dashwood [1] & Mrs King [2] calling one after another prevented my finishing – but the afternoons post brought a most agreeable affectionate letter from you — you say you ‘again love my children as your own,’ make haste and let me love your children as my own — yes you are right, we shall both be happier when all is settled [3] — If I see you happy as I shall, and think that in some measure I have been the means of this do you not think I shall feel pleased too – my health will in a little time be better I make no doubt — do not accuse yourself pray do not – I would suffer all over again to receive such proofs of your tenderness & affection – at present I think a particular cause makes me suffer more than usual — so do not lay to your charge what has quite another source [4] —
Heaven bless you, I will
Write very soon again
Yours very affectly
Anna
Endorsement: 1808 / Jany the 22nd
Notes
[1] Probably Louisa Hay Dashwood (1791–1855), who married William Fane in 1811.
[2] Emmeline King, her sister.
[3] Giddy was now planning to get married. His bride, whom he wed at Easter (17 April was Easter Sunday), was Mary Ann Gilbert (1776–1845).
[4] Anna was in the early stages of pregnancy. Mary Elizabeth Beddoes was born on 20 August.