1792

Thomas Beddoes to John Hawkins, 16 September [1792]

Sep^r 16^th Shifnal, Shropshire

My Dear Sir

I have no conception what malignant daemon guided my pen, when I employed expressions so totally at cross purposes with my sentiments. I really did not feel the slightest irritation while I was reading the letter, in which you proposed to me to forbear translating Werner partially. On the contrary, I fully entered into your ideas. Particular circumstances suggested a wish to lay the design aside; & if those particular circumstances had not existed, I sh^d most chearfully & with a satisfaction undiminished by the slightest disagreeable sensation, have complied with your suggestion.

In my letter there may be mauvaise plaisanterie. but in my mind at the moment of writing it <or before or since> there was not the slightest suspicion of any intention on your part to offer me any thing like an affront. I shall be sorry if you shall hesitate to believe me on my word, but even so, my own consciousness will bear me testimony that I harboured no thought, which the occasion did not warrant; & surely there was nothing in your letter to alarm my vanity, however ready it may be to take alarm. As I recollect, you said <in your letter> that you or Hailstone might translate the work under the eyes of the author; & I was extremely glad to hear it; Had any person whatever offered to undertake the task, especially with such advantages, I w^d most willingly have resigned it. & offered all the assistance I c^d give. Pray let me entreat you to read my unfortunate epistle over again, with an idea that I did not mention your wish to procure as perfect a translation as possible or your respect for Werner (whom I believe entitled to much respect) either in ridicule or in anger. Allow me to repeat once more that I have not to condemn myself for being so childish as to have been angry with you for what you meant well & judged rightly in.

C^d the word querelle which I believe I used give you the idea of my being irritated? I really thought that you had a right to be angry with me for not writing to you sooner, & especially for not procuring for you copies of the memorial sooner.

The reason of the delay I ought to have assigned; it was partly because I was uncertain whether I sh^d be in town & partly because I thought knew Murray was out of town, whom alone I thought able to help you to the said copies.

I read the conclusion of your letter with as much concern as the beginning; but it was of a diff^t. kind. I am sorry to receive from you some confirmation of my own forebodings concerning the calamities of France. I doubt whether the Parisians will redeem their crimes by their courage; I rather apprehend that their cruelties indicate cowardice, as in other cases. Had I known of your intention to arrive at Oxford on Wednesday, I sh^d have staid to see you once more. I have been detained on the road several days, or I sh^d have written to you sooner. I did not receive your letter till last night. Pray give me a line, if not more, before you go, & let us not part with any injurious surmise. When & where am I to return your Werner? Can you do for me what I requested in my last letter?–

How may I direct to you if any thing worth communicating sh^d occur in the winter?

Yours sincerely

Thos Beddoes

Address: To / John Hawkins Esq. / Chandos’ S^t / Cavendish Square / London
Endorsement: answered Sep^r 22^d
Postmark: SE / 19/ 92 / SHIFNAL
MS: Cornish Archives MS Hawkins papers J3.2.90